did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
