I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I didn't notice because vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
