Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
