you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize