is your mom at the bar?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
