I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
