I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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