Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
