I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
