is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
