i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
