people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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