We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
