I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
