I love black thongs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
