Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
