I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
