Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry echinsuocha hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(517): View more from Michigan

last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

Fav 39 1633 5834
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

Fav 31 1573 6966
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

Fav 40 6107 2103
share tweet
(409): View more from Texas

There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.

Fav 2 1257 1875
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.

Fav 1 3905 1151
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.

Fav 7 1218 2525
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(281): View more from Texas

I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

Fav 8 746 1842
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"

Fav 2 23 88
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery

Fav 0 45 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT