You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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