I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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