Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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