so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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