my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
