So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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