Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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