so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
