She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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