They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
