My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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