Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
