please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
