I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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