how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
