Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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