I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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