So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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