so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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