is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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