Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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