Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please come you make the beer taste better
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
