u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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