I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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