Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
