she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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