just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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