I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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