Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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