I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
