Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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