She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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