If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
