Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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