I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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