You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize