I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
