YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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