I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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