I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
