I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
