so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
