I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
