rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There r osticjed everywhere
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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