why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
