wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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