Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
