new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
