Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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