I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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