remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
