You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
