You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
