I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
