in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He felt like a one man threesome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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