Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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