why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Panties = found
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
