I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
