Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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