so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
