filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
