I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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