Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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