You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
