last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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