what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
