Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
