i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
