she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
