Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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