you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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