Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
