I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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