I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize