You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
