Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
