I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize