I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
