Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
