I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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