There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
