are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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