the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
