Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
