Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
