Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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