She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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