just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
