I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
