Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
